every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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