Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
