where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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