its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
