just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
