She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
