I cannot find my penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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