Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
