And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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