and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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