I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
