oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
