Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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