OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
