I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
