He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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