I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
