I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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