ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
