I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
