I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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