She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
