she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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