You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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