I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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