He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
