dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
