I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
