the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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