mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
