You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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