i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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