Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
