You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
