"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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