Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
