he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
