dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
