I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
