if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
