O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
