In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
