My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
