Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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