plz talk dirty to me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
