I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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