They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
