I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
