i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
