Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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