So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
