i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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